East Aurora Advertiser

Column: Mightier than the Sword: Is this Title Included in the Word Count?


Let’s talk numbers. Why numbers? Shouldn’t we leave that to the bankers, accountants, stockbrokers, analysts, statisticians, pollsters, mathematicians, card counters and pyramid schemesters? It would certainly seem appropriate to leave the topic of numbers to the number crunchers and money grubbers, but believe it or not, numbers do have a place in writing—a sometimes boring, seldom-discussed place, but a place nonetheless. So, let’s talk numbers.

February seems to be an appropriate time to discuss numbers because February is a numerical anomaly. It’s a short month. Shorter than any other. It has only twenty-eight days, except for every fourth year, when it has twenty-nine. But for the sake of simplicity, let’s forget about the leap year for now. After all, we won’t see another one of those until 2024 and by the time Feb. 29 of that year rolls around, the Buffalo Bills will be back-to-back Super Bowl Champions and Kamala Harris will be the first female president (you heard it here first). But our current February only has twenty-eight days, two less than the next shortest months (Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November), and three whole days less than the rest. If these three missing days were all Mondays, February would probably be the most popular month of them all. But, unfortunately, this isn’t the case. So, why is February so short? Why don’t we just take a day each from two of the longer months and make February thirty days long? I vote for December and January, because isn’t winter already too long? Sure, we’d have to change the poem (Thirty days hath November, January, February, April, June, November, and December), but this would also allow us to eliminate an entire line (Save February at twenty-eight). The long answer as to why February is only twenty-eight days is too long for me to explain. The short answer is our calendar dates all the way back to the time of Julius Caesar and our current culture is much too steeped in tradition—or stubborn—or lazy—to change it. 

Okay, enough about February. We’re here to talk about numbers! (Does that exclamation point make it seem less boring?) This is supposed to be a column about writing, so how about a quick lesson. Always spell out all numbers that begin a sentence. Except for years. Years should always be written in numerals. Don’t add the word “dollars” if you already have a dollar sign. All numbers twenty-one through ninety-nine should be hyphenated. Spell out numbers zero through one hundred. After that, use numerals. This last rule is debatable as some style guides recommend numerals for anything over nine. (But if we are using numerals for all numbers over nine, then why would we need the hyphenation rule to begin with?) 

Of course, all these “rules” are debatable, which begs the question: Are they even rules at all?

We can’t talk about numbers without talking about the dreaded word count. I remember when I was in college, any time anyone mentioned they had a paper due, the first question was always, “How many words does it need to be?”. I’m not sure why writers are so obsessed with word counts. When mathematicians are working on math problems nobody asks them, “How many numbers does it need to be?” If you can get your point across in a hundred words, then why does an essay need to be at least a thousand? I suppose this is good time to amend one of the rules up above: Use numerals for numbers over a hundred, EXCEPT for round numbers like hundred, thousand, million, billion, etc., unless you are trying to emphasize the absurdity of a large sum, such as: “Elon Musk is worth $236,000,000,000 while about 690,000,000 people in the world are starving.” Confused yet? Good!

Just like numbers in writing, there is a place for some word counts. Take this article for example. I have a word count of between 600 and 800 words, though I sometimes go over the max. (My apologies to the editor. I promise to keep this one under 800. Or is it “eight hundred?” I can’t remember which style guide we’re supposed to be using.) This makes sense because newspapers need to fill space. They need content. As much as people like to look at pictures and ignore advertisements, they still need something to read while they’re on the toilet. That’s where articles like this come into play, and every time I write one, the exact same thing happens. I begin by desperately trying to figure out how I can possibly reach 600 words, and I finish by trying to figure out how I can possibly edit it down to 800. Speaking of which, a promise is a promise and I’m all out of words.

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Mightier than the Sword: Notes on Writing is a column by Jon Penfold, an Iroquois Central graduate. He is the author of three books: “The Road and the River,” “The Last Indians,” and “A Long Walk on the Beach.” For information on ordering, or to see more of his work, please visit jonpenfold.com.

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